Wednesday, 30 December 2009

LHC Reveals Parallel Universe, Allardyce is DCI Gene Hunt

GENEVA (Year 2015) – After lengthy periods of repairs and calibration experiments, the LHC was fired up properly for the first time next month and the results of the ensuing experiments will astonish physicists, Christians, and football fans alike.

As well as providing scientists with never-before seen glimpses into the origins of the universe, a black hole resulting from the ultra high speed collisions provided a wormhole to a parallel universe.

Before the wormhole closed, scientists were able to observe the parallel world and the revelations are startling. Only a few details were recorded in time, but it appeared that the world is still in the late 1970s. Religion was long abandoned and although living 30 years behind our world, scientific knowledge has advanced well beyond ours.

One of the few observations that will interest football fans was made by scientist Tobias Lauten who has family ties to Bolton. Lauten’s first thought when entering the parallel universe was to see if his side, Bolton Wanderers were doing any better than in our world. Lauten was shocked to find that not only were Wanderers doing well in their first season in Division 1 after promotion from the second division, but they were without centre-half Sam Allardyce. Lauten managed to track down Allardyce to a Manchester police station where he works as a hard hitting no-nonsense Detective Chief Inspector, similar to our world’s DCI Gene Hunt, a character in Life on Mars and sequel Ashes to Ashes.

Lauten said he wasn’t surprised to see Allardyce in such a role. “I can imagine our Big Sam doing that sort of thing, or at least giving a few players a kicking at half time!” Lauten also came across Phil Brown, who in the parallel world owned and ran several spray-tanning salons in County Durham.